


A night stroll

by GaylartMess



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, I havn't written a fic in like 3 years, I'd super appreciate any comments on how to improve aaaa, Kinda, Smoking, This is mostly self indulgent tbh aaa, ocs from my tumblr art page eyy, sans and oli are only mentioned briefly, smoking mention, so i'd love any feedback on how to improve tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-14 01:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12996774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaylartMess/pseuds/GaylartMess
Summary: She wanted to wake Papyrus. Slip down next to him and tell him she wasn’t okay, that she wanted to be cuddled and held, that she just wanted to hear him talk. Not even assure her, as long as he was talking about something, she’d be fine, she’d be distracted.But that was selfish, wasn’t it?





	A night stroll

**Author's Note:**

> A mostly pretty self-indulgent fic. I really wanted to explore an aspect of one of my oc's and writing interactions. I definitely still have quite a bit of learning to do, but hopefully i'll find time to practice more and get some proper fanfics out ^^  
> If you're interested at all, I have drawings of my ocs (and lots of other stuff) over on my Tumblr art page Here
> 
> Not really used AO3 before, so any advise on tags and such would be wonderful and appreciated! Thank you very much

The feeling of anxiety pitted in her gut was a common thing, by this point. It didn’t make it easier to deal with, and Camari hated how she still couldn’t shed the doubts away.

She shifted in her bed, pushing her feet up as she frowned up at the plain ceiling in the dark. She couldn’t remember if she had actually slept at all tonight. She kept drifting from feeling sluggish and sleepy to wanting to just kick her feet as fast as she could, or just walk somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but here at the moment.

She huffed, impatient that sleep hadn’t just come already, and flipped herself over onto her side, bringing two of her cool hands to her right cheek to rest on while and her other arms tucked her two owl closer to her chest. Her covers had slipped off her shoulders and down to her waist however long ago, but she really didn’t care at this point. She felt warm, warm and guilty that a certain thought had currently taken root in her chest.

She really wanted a cigarette.

Well, she didn’t. She really didn’t.

But she did. She knew she did.

Her eyes, having long since adjusted to the shape of the bedroom in the dark, shifted towards the door further down from her place in the bunk bed. When she listened, she could easily hear Papyrus’ soft snores from the bunk below. She listened for a bit, feeling a bit of joy flutter in her chest at the soft ‘Nyeh’s’ that occasionally sounded, and clutched the toy owl closer to her chest.

The got for her on their second date, just because she had rambled about birds so much on their first date. He was practically bouncing when he gave her the minty green thing, and wasn’t exactly subtle about how he had eagerly thought of her when he ever so coincidentally came across the adorable fluffball that just so happened to be in her favourite colour too!!

Her guilt grew, knotting tighter and she was certain sleep was not coming. No matter how much she twisted and curled, she wasn’t going to sleep. Lying to herself that she could wasn’t helping, trying to trick herself into sleeping wasn’t helping. Nothing was helping.

She wanted to wake Papyrus. Slip down next to him and tell him she wasn’t okay, that she wanted to be cuddled and held, that she just wanted to hear him talk. Not even assure her, as long as he was talking about something, she’d be fine, she’d be distracted.

But that was selfish, wasn’t it? Papyrus rarely slept. He didn’t really need sleep (He had said so himself when she once woke up at four am to come downstairs to him getting ready to go jogging), but the very idea that she’d wake him up just to distract herself felt wrong. She shouldn’t have to drag him into her personal troubles, her inability to be as overly social as he was made up for a lot of small talks between them.

She had sat up by now, and only just noticed. Uneasy, Camari wondered if she could slip outside the house. She’d have to pass Papyrus, San and Olivia, along with a couple of creaking doors and stairways.

Sans… Probably wouldn’t question her. She wasn’t sure he’d even wake up. Maybe he was already awake. She couldn’t say for certain, so that in itself was a gamble.

Olivia? She wasn’t easily woken, and Camari knew that for a fact. She was pretty sure Olivia was out cold and the only time she could be roused from sleep was at eight in the morning.

Papyrus… She didn’t really want to think about what he’d say if he knew what she was thinking. Disappointment, for certain. That in itself was keeping her rooted from shuffling out of her own house to fill her lungs with smoke.

She pushed a hand through her hair and pulled at a few knots formed from tossing about so much. She briefly wondered back on cutting it down, annoyed at her fingers getting stuck in the cerulean blue curls, but she knew it wouldn’t matter too much, it grew pretty quickly whenever she did cut it, and she was just irritated at the moment.

She needed…

She didn’t know what she needed.

She wanted to just not be here right now.

Unsettled and shaky, she pushed the sheets further off herself and lay her owl down. She slid herself to the end of the bunk, socked feet peeking over the edge and hovering over the first few steps. She rubbed her top forearms with her second set of hands as the cool of the night got to her. It was summer, it wasn’t cold, but stars was she unnerved. She felt stiff and cold, but she didn’t stop. She hated herself for it just a little bit more.

She lowered herself down the ladder, occasionally glancing toward the skeleton sleeping below.

Her feet pressed into the carpet below as she slowly released the ladder, scared pulling away might cause any kind of noise. Her tail flicked a little as her nerves continued. Her gaze was locked on Papyrus, because if he woke up she wanted to be ready. She wanted to be ready to she she was just getting water, she was fine. Really, she would be back soon.

She felt terrible. She knew it was bad.

Papyrus would be upset if he found out, but it would be worse if she lied and told him she was getting water when really…

But if he didn’t know it wouldn’t matter, would it? Stars, that sounds awful. She reached the door, pulling at the shirt far too big for her entire body. Papyrus gave it to her, and he had one of her shirts. He had worn it yesterday. She briefly wondered if she should change. She didn’t want Papyrus smelling smoke on the shirt he had given her as a sign of intimacy.

‘But Olivia doesn’t know either!’ She reasoned,’It wasn’t like she was exclusively keeping him out of the loop.’

The longer she stayed here, the less time she’d have to sneak a smoke. She pushed herself into the hall, closing the door behind her.

She wasn’t lying if no one questioned her. No one was questioning her right now. Because they were asleep.

She tiptoed down the hall. For her kind, walking on tip-toe was natural, and her tail balanced her. It was great for a dirty liar like herself.

She’s an adult. She shouldn’t be guilty about doing anything. She wasn’t lying, no one asked.

She reached the bottom of the stairs, and the door was right there, a few steps forward, and her coat is right there on the rack, next to one of Papyrus’ coats. The cigarette pack and lighter are in her coat pocket. One of them. Next to his coat. She could feel remorse gnawing at her.

Camari frowns, and forces herself closer. She slips her feet into her boots (next to Papyrus’ boots, and the guilt bites harder than it had before). She pulls her coat off, the coat tailored for all four arms and hands and slips it on. Stuffing her hands into the respective pockets she feels for the respective items.

Her fingers brush the cold surface of the lighter, and in the opposite pocket her knuckle knocks against the card packaging of cigarettes. She releases a soft sigh. She didn’t know what she was thinking, to be honest. That they wouldn’t be there? No one knew though, no one could remove them if no one knew they existed.

But if they had been gone, then someone would have known.

She hurried toward the door, pulling the coat on a little tighter.

It was fine, she made it this far and nothing was wrong. She would be back in a moment and she’d slip back into bed and no one would know-

“Camari?”

Her hand froze mid reach and she stiffened. She twisted around and stared straight up the staircase to see Papyrus watching her. He didn’t look upset, or disappointed even. Maybe just a bit confused and concerned.

She knew it was because he didn’t know. Her knuckle brushed the packet in her pocket and her chest tightened.

She felt sick, and gripped the lighter as though scared it would fly out of her pocket and Papyrus would see and-

Her hand was still hovering above the handle and she rested her fingers against the cool surface, watching Papyrus move down the steps.

He was still in his pajamas, but he looked very awake and aware, and Camari wondered if he had been awake to see her sneak out. He must’ve, how else would he have known? She thought she had been careful…

He stopped in front of her and she realized that she had been quietly staring at him the whole time.

She pushed some loose hair back with the free hand and smiled at him weakly. The hair fell back over her face.

“Heya, Pappy.”

Her voice was just a whisper. Olivia and Sans were down the hall, in their room. Sleeping. She prayed the wouldn’t wake up, it was bad enough that Papyrus was here and that she had to deal with this on it’s own. She wished she wasn’t who she was at this moment. She wished she was better…

“Datemate,” It was so odd hearing him this quiet, but she wasn’t ungrateful. Something felt off though, it was almost as though he knew she was trying to keep quiet, that she was trying to hide something? Was she being too paranoid? She didn’t doubt Papyrus was smart, but she really couldn’t find the line on logical reasoning and stress induced frets. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Not a lie. She was stressed, but it would be alright, ergo she was alright “I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to pop outside for a bit of air…” Also not a lie. It’s fine, she wasn’t lying to him exclusively. She… Wasn’t telling him everything. But she wasn’t lying either, so…

He watched has he reached over to her, and she fought back the urge to pull back and run out the door.

He wasn’t wearing his gloves and his phalanges were cool against her flushed cheek. Her magic was pulsing through her, making her warm. It wasn’t pleasant, she felt uncomfortable and she wanted to be outside more than ever. He brushed past her cheek and tucked the hair out of her face, behind her pointed ear.

“Ah.” He said, smiling, and she smiled a bit more easily seeing him look more at ease. “A morning stroll is always a good idea for sleeplessness. Always good to fast walk off that energy!” he voice got a little loud and Camari flinched, but nodded gently. “Mind if I join you, datemate?”

Camari stilled. He smiled at her, looking at her in that hopeful way of his. Her mind raced. No, no she didn’t want him to- But if she said no, it would look suspicious- But, maybe she’d be so distracted- Stars, she wanted a smoke so bad-

“Sure!” She nodded, and her eyes flicked to the side, and she felt her gut twist more and more. “Sure, I don’t mind.”

But she did, and she stood there awkwardly as papyrus slipped his boots on, and his coat. She didn’t think he needed to do either, but she really couldn’t find her words or her though amidst the panic rising.

They left, closing the front door behind them and walked down the front pathway, past the tree.

Her fingers touched the lighter. She pulled her other hands out of her pocket and wrapped them around her waist, trying to push down the nausea.

They walked for ten minutes. Papyrus was quiet. Way too quiet. She glanced toward him multiple times, expecting him to maybe ramble about this, or that. About the people he met today, the dogs that might have bounded up to him, how the training with Undyne went, something he was thinking about learning to cook, just… Anything. Anything but the quiet. He was smiling, and he sometimes caught her glance and smiled at her, and she’d try to smile back. Something felt so off and Camari couldn’t figure out if it was her, or him, or the both of them. It made her anxious. Was he waiting for her to say something.

They were passing through the park gates. Papyrus cleared his throat. The one he didn’t have, Camari noted, trying to find amusement somewhere in the tense situation. Something to stop the crushing guilt flooding her soul.

“YOU KNOW, DATEMATE-” The volume change made Camari jump, and she watched as Papyrus, glanced off to the side, seeming to find interest in the trees. “I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.” He glanced at her, and she smiled, feeling some tension leaving her.

“Well, that’s usually good. Especially in relationships.It would be bad if being in a relationship if you didn’t enjoy spending time with me.” She raised a brow at him, smiling a little easier. He nodded. He slipped an arm between hers, one of the ones not buried into the pocket of her coat, and she realized he was reaching of her hand. She laced her fingers between his phalanges eagerly, squeezing a bit of stress away. His thumb rubbed over her knuckles.

“YES, ABSOLUTELY!” They were approaching a bench just by the path they were walking on, shadowed over by a tree but visible because of lamp a meter away, and Papyrus steered them toward it. They sat down together, and Papyrus was watching her again. Camari’s nerves rose suddenly. Something in papyrus’ expression was… Off. He was frowning a bit. Still smiling, but she could make out the brow bones drawn together in the light of the streetlamp. He squeezed her hand again, his knee brushing hers as he shifted to face her on the bench. She watched as his other hand closed, opened, and then closed again on his lap. She swallowed, ready to ask what was wrong. In case he asked her first. Because what would she tell him? She couldn’t keep this up now. Not when he was so close and holding her hand as though she would try to bolt.

She couldn’t lie to him… Could she?

“I…” He began, but trailed off, frowning toward the gravel to the path. Camari felt her jaw tighten. She wanted to say something, but her throat felt dry. So dry. She bit the inside of her lip. Her grip on the lighter tightened and she wished she could chuck the stupid thing across the grass. Leave it there without causing a scene, be done with it, move on. That wasn’t going to happen though, and she knew it.

“I REALLY ENJOY TALKING-” Papyrus’ gaze fell on her again. Camari felt so small, so exposed. It felt like he was starting to edge on something specific, but surely she was just paranoid. Papyrus always listed off things he liked about her. If she nodded, if she went along with it maybe she could-

“-ABOUT EVERYTHING REALLY. ESPECIALLY ANYTHING THAT MAY BE… WORRYING ME. CAUSING ME TO NOT GET SLEEP THAT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, DON’T NEED ALL THAT MUCH. BECAUSE I AM VERY GREAT. THE KIND OF THINGS THAT ELICIT THE NEED TO GO ON AN AWKWARD WALK WITH MY VERY RAD DATEMATE, AND PERHAPS PARTAKE IN… CUDDLES AND WORRISOME THOUGHT SHARING.”

Camari stared at him. His gaze shifted side to side, skeptically. “JUST AS AN EXAMPLE, OF COURSE!” His gaze was on her again.

Camari slumped, and her grip on Papyrus’ skeletal hand loosened. As her fingers slipped from his his other hand reached up and gently pressed over hers, gently trapping her hand in a reassuring squeeze. If it wasn’t obvious before that Papyrus wanted to address her behavior, it was for sure obvious now.

But what could she even say? He didn’t know about her… Habit. She’s sure he didn’t. Stars, she was tired… She wish she’d stayed in bed, lying awake, it would be better than this.

But would it really though?

She finally looked up at Papyrus after staring at the ground for a while and watched his face. He was smiling. It was worried, but so hopeful.

She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing. Papyrus watched attentively as her other hands, the ones that had been glued deep into their pockets, shifted. Camari huffed as she pulled out the items she had been carrying the whole time and held them out in her flat palms. Her gaze remained locked on them, ever when she felt Papyrus’ hands gently tighten over hers.

She knew it wasn’t enough though, and she swallowed, trying to think properly about what to say, what she wanted to say. If she didn’t have a justifiable explanation then…

She didn’t know, really. Her thoughts felt muddled.

“When…” Her voice caught in her throat, and she cleared it quickly, stumbling over her words, “I started smoking.. A few years ago I think? I… I can’t remember why, I think I just wanted to try it? Or- Or I wanted to find some kind of relief for stress because of what was happening? I don’t know, to be honest, I just…” She deflates, and grips the packet, her arms lowering a little. She hasn’t looked at Pap’s once.

She shifts and lets the objects clatter as she puts them down on the spare space of the bench next to her, away from Papyrus.

Papyrus’ hands pull away from hers and she can’t help but flinch, afraid of what he’s going to say, what he’s going to think of her now, what was he thinking-

Her face is suddenly against his shoulder and his arms are firmly around her waist, tugging her in close.

Camari blinks, arms held awkwardly, uncertain for a moment. She eventually melts into the warmth of his embrace and grips the front of his coat as she nuzzles her face into his shoulder. She feels his head shift and feels his fingers gently combing her hair.

“YOU…” He pauses, “YOU DON’T NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF… I AM VERY HAPPY YOU TOLD ME THIS, THOUGH!”

She shuts her eyes and lets out a small breathless laugh. What did she ever do to deserve this darling skeleton?

He pulls back to look her in the face, arms still around her. She’s smiling, but she still can’t feel too happy, not after the way she lied. Papyrus is frowning a little, and he glances off to the side.

“I DON’T LIKE THE…IDEA OF.. OF YOU-” She nods and feels her chest sink as she cuts in, desperate.

“I want to stop. I really do…”

Papyrus presses his forehead against hers. “I WANT TO RESPECT WHAT YOU CHOOSE TO DO, SO EVEN IF YOU DON’T STOP. THEN IT’S NOT… I JUST…” He trails off and Camari bites her lip to stop herself from cutting him off again. He pulls away and looks at her, clearly upset. She can tell with the way his face is scrunched, and the faint rattle in his bones. “I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU HURT.”

She nods. She… She wouldn’t want to see Papyrus like that either. Anxious to the point of… She didn’t even want to go there. He wasn’t like her though, he was strong! So strong. A rock for many people.

Too many people…

She had to do better, surly.

She looks up, brows furrowing, and she touches his cheek. He leans his head into her touch and smiles at her as best he can.

“I want to try stopping…” His smile widens and he shifts closer to her.

“I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT! I’LL HELP YOU ANYWAY I CAN!” She gently grabs his face and pushes herself forward, pressing her lips too his teeth for a moment. He leans into her and when she pulls away she feels her soul flutter at the gentle ‘Mwah’ noise he muttered.

“You just keep being your great and wonderful self, Pappy…”

He pressed his forehead to hers again, and neither moved for a few moments.

“NYEH-HEH! AN EASY TASK! FAR TOO EASY FOR SOMEONE AS NATURALLY GREAT AS I AM! SO YOU ARE IN ABSOLUTE LUCK, DATEMATE!” Camari giggles, because it’s true. She was so damn lucky…

For a wonderful moment, the only noise was the faint hum of their souls buzzing, the gentle chirps of crickets and the breeze blowing through the trees.

Camari squacked indignantly when she was suddenly lifted effortlessly by the tall skeleton, who was quickly up on his feet, with his hands tucked under her lower arm pits.

“WHILE WE’RE UP AND OUT AND ABOUT AND ALL OTHER THINGS CONSIDERED-” He began, placing Camari down onto her feet before tucking an arm against her waist and pulling her close. He tilted down to look at her as He puffed out his chest and lifted his other arm up to pose heroically. “-WE SHOULD DEFINITELY TAKE THIS TIME TO GO ON A PRE-MORNING RUN!”

Camari paled, and her tired legs and tired everything flooded over her at the very mention of the word ‘run’

She smiled weakly at him, as he flashed her a fanged grin, brows narrowed with determination and confidence.

“… I mean…” She began. “We could always go back home and sleep, though? Run in a few hours?”

Papyrus huffed and shook his head.

“HONESTLY, DATEMATE… YOU’RE JUST AS BAD AS SANS!” She catches the humor in his voice and slight smirk on his smile.

She scoffs, smiling.

“Being tired and being Sans are different!” She defends, before sighing. “I wish I could sleep anywhere like he does. It’s actually an admirable skill.” She gasps when she’s suddenly hoisted up and over papyrus’ shoulder as her partner ‘NYEH’s loudly.

“LESS CHIT-CHAT! MORE… UM. JOG-MOG. YES! IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO RUN, I’LL JUST CARRY YOU.”

She giggles, wriggling to get more comfortable. “It defeats-” She pauses as a yawn stretches out of her “-the purpose a bit, doesn’t it?” Her eyelids felt heavy.

“I WON’T CARRY YOU ON ANY OTHER RUNS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK THEN! YOU’RE USING UP YOUR ‘SUPER-COOL-DATE-CARRIER-CARD’ RIGHT NOW!”

She hums and nods weakly. Papyrus huffs and begins to jog, pacing carefully to not jostle his already asleep partner on his shoulder.

The sun rises after an hour or so, and the cigarette pack and lighter remain discarded on the bench, forgotten.


End file.
